Hey everyone. As you may have noticed, I haven’t been posting anything for the past week, and you deserve an explanation why.
If you have read my ABOUT page, you may have saw that I suffer from depression and anxiety. I have to tell you that depression and anxiety sucks. I am so sick of dealing with it because it’s like this annoying voice in your head telling you that “You are worthless” and “You will never be able to experience happiness ever again” and you start to question yourself “Am I significant in this world?”
The answer is yes, you are significant in this world, yes you will find hapiness in your life, and no, you are not worthless. This past week, I was not feeling the best and it has gotten to the point where I don’t want to do anything, which is why I haven’t been posting in a while. And combined with every other work I had to deal with in my other classes affected my anxiety and I was having anxiety attacks, so I had to take a step back from posting.
But now I’m back and I am ready to start posting again. I’ve never discussed how I started suffering from depression and anxiety, but now I feel like it’s time to share.
It all started back in 2015 when I noticed that I was feeling sad and angry all the time and I had no idea why. To be honest, I didn’t know I suffered from depression and anxiety until earlier this year. Fast forward to 2017 to the first half of 2018 is when I was at my lowest. I started eating a lot of junk food to ease my pain and I gained a lot of weight. What made it worse is my father was less than supportive and I didn’t tell my mother because I didn’t want her to worry. In fact, I didn’t tell anyone until earlier this year. I realised that eating wasn’t going to help and I stopped eating junk food and I lost the weight.
As for the anxiety part, I started to have panic attacks towards the end of last year. I also was still feeling sad and angry and I had no idea why. Towards the end of January of this year, I looked up online of why I had those feelings and it was confirmed that I suffered from depression and anxiety for 4 years without even knowing it.
I’ve had my happy moments and I’ve had my sad momets and when they hit me, they hit hard. The only person I’ve told briefly about this stigma is one of my friends whom I’ve met 2 years ago and he didn’t belittle me or put me down. He supported me and that was heart-warming for me to hear becuse I realised that I didn’t have to suffer in silence and there were people who will support you no matter what.
What I do to try to control this stigma is I like to go on walks. I realized that going on wlaks help take my mind off things and it really helps improve my mood. My diet is better which was easy since I’m a vegetarian, and if I am feeling down, I try to do better to express these feelings rather to keep them to myself becuse if you keep these feelings to yourself, the worse thing that can happen is suicide and I don’t want it to come to that.
To those people who are also suffering from depression and anxiety, just know that you are not alone and you don’t have to suffer in silence. Also know that you are loved and don’t let anyone tell you different. Thanks for reading and like I said before, I’m ready to start posting again, so I’ll see you in the next post.